I have never heard of anyone addressing the
interactions between gratitude and combining
it with the action of verbalizing the words,
'thank you.' Until now.
I cross-clicked over to a post by Cari Jenkins
and read her May 14th 2011 blog titled, "How
to tell if you isolate yourself"
You can read it online at:
http://carijenkins.wordpress.com/2011/05/14/how-to-tell-if-you-isolate-yourself/
Here's an excerpt from her 2nd paragraph:
"Thank you’s are difficult for me. I never feel
like a note can capture what I really want to
say or the depths of my gratitude. Thank you’s
are also difficult because I’m prideful, and to
say thank you means that I had nothing to do
with a particular result. Thank you puts me
in a position of receiving. Thank you’s admit
vulnerability and incompleteness."
Then, Cari continued with: "In the biblical text
there are many places where people groups are
told to give thanks to God. In the New Testament,
people are even encouraged to give thanks in all
circumstances. This is difficult for people.
More honestly, this is difficult for me."
Next she wrote: "It’s not so much that I don’t
feel I have nothing for which to have feelings
of thankfulness, it’s more that I like to take
credit for things and to give thanks … well, I
basically say it’s a gift, it’s all a gift and
I’m thankful."
The writer admitted to having underlying emotional
feelings. She felt grateful as well as thankful.
The issue was not that she lacked feelings.
It was her verbalization to others of such that
placed her into an inherent conflict within
herself. The conflict arose when she expressed
verbally those feelings as an acknowledgment.
On the one hand, her feelings of thankfulness,
if kept to herself, yielded no conflict. Her
silence was the means to maintain emotional
balance by setting her equity of self-worth
in the center of her own control over credits.
However, on the other hand, when she said,
'thank you' then she has admitted, within the
context of the social interaction, that she
was vulnerable and an incomplete self however
slight or minor the interaction.
By saying 'thank you' out loud she transferred
all credit, control and value from out of her
self-worth and invested it into the other
person. This transfer of value is the opposing
force from the act of taking credit for results.
To mitigate this vulnerability, she re-worked
her acknowledgment into a encapsulated object
that she considered the interaction as a gift.
She wrote: "It's all a gift."
By re-working the transfer of value into the
created gift-object, she stopped the transfer
of credit by creating an artificial, inanimate
object. This gift-object functioned as a holding
place of her primal level of social vulnerability
without yielding credit to the other person.
Therefore, this re-work sets up a transfer detour
such that she neither loses control, nor does it
benefit the other person. This is also her own
gift to herself as a reward for not becoming
socially vulnerable.
However, she retains her feelings of thankfulness
plus she can now take credit for the shared
experience. How? By using the mutual gift-object
re-work even though the received gift demonstrated
that she had nothing to do with it.
But, the other person was denied the valued social
acknowledgment even though the other person was
responsible for providing the original help.
Her re-worked maneuver was a careful work-around
by making a socially-defined object more valuable
than the person who gave her the original help.
This blog-post by Cari helped me to understand
the comments made by our LORD as recorded in the
Gospel of Mark. It helped explain to me how the
transfer of value, or honor, from one person to
another could be invalidated.
Mark 7:8-13
... for, having put away the command of
God, you hold the tradition of men,
baptisms of pots and cups; and many other
such things you do.' [v9] And he said
to them, `Well do you put away the command
of God that your tradition you may keep;
[v10] for Moses said, Honour thy father
and thy mother; and, He who is speaking
evil of father or mother - let him die
the death; [v11] but you say, A man may
say to father or to mother, Korban (that
is, it's a gift) whatever might have
been profited out of mine, [v12] and no
more do you permit him to do anything
for his father or for his mother,
[v13] setting aside the word of God
for your tradition that you delivered;
and many such like things you do.'
I also now understand how the silence from the
audience might have been so frustrating to our
LORD at times. Plus, I now can better grasp the
transfer-meaning:
Proverb 3:6
"In all your ways acknowledge Him,
And He shall direct your paths."
Thank you, Cari.
