What is forgiveness?
Forgiveness is a means by which one person
(Identified-A) clears away the offense(s) caused
by another person (Identified-B) whether such an
offense was either real or imagined. It strictly
resides on the one who became offended in which
to offer by faith a way in which to wipe clean the
slate of the original offense towards Identified-B.
Such an offer of forgiveness can be rejected by
Identified-B and such rejection keeps/maintains
the offense directly against Identified-A. Now,
here's the tricky part: Identified-A can be free
from the original offense by offering forgiveness
even if such an offer was completely rejected by
Identified-B.
It is, by definition, so to speak, always between two
individuals and seeks to bring back their relationship
into a renewed sense of equality between these two
persons. Such equality functions to cover over and
erase the obstacles between individuals, as though
the offense(s) had never happened.
Forgiveness, therefore, does not eliminate, lessen
or absolve any downstream consequences incurred
by the offender (Identified-B) except as it focuses
directly on the disconnected part of the relationship
via the offense as suffered by Identified-A person.
Therefore, forgiveness is always personal. It is
always uniquely defined. Offering forgiveness then
becomes a part of the witnessed testimony between
these two persons.
What is reciprocation?
To give and take something mutually as a form of
an equivalent response.
In terms of social psychology (wikipedia), the definition
of reciprocation refers to one person responding to an
action (positive) with another person's positive action.
It functions as a mutual interaction of exchange that
provides an equal interchange between two people.
The focus of reciprocation is the mutual exchange
for equivalency. An funny example of this sort of
reciprocation was aired on The Big Bang Theory:
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1256021/quotes?qt=qt0501712
If the character, Sheldon, had become offended by the
Christmas gift from Penny, then Sheldon might have
offered his forgiveness as a means to re-establish their
relationship.
Instead, Sheldon perceived the gift in terms of a type
of reciprocation. The mere hint of a gift translated in
his internal filters as a social obligation. He therefore
needed to find out what valuation an equivalent gift
might be appropriate based on the perceived value of
their relationship. It became a way in which Sheldon
could fulfill his social obligation without letting go of
any perceived offense. This was his character's way
of obsessing on the accounting within relationships.
Forgiveness ruins Reciprocation
Here, then, is the trouble with forgiveness. It makes
the relationship greater than the offense(s) incurred.
It places both individuals into a realm of equality
that can not be measured in terms of an exchange.
It remains an unilateral assault against hiding
behind one's offense(s) that is the brick-'n-mortar
of building walls of "Them-Against-Us" social groups.
